Drama is part of our nature - it’s going to pop up pretty much anywhere humans interact. In fast-growing startups, drama has a way of seeping into developing cultures, wasting time, and causing resentment between coworkers. Navigating through dramatic situations requires understanding the patterns behind them. That’s exactly what we discussed in a recent workshop with Conscious Leadership coach Kaley Klemp. This approach, which Kaley calls “Taking 100% Responsibility,” starts with identifying the known patterns of drama.
Meet the players.
Dramatic situations in the workplace follow the patterns of dramatic situations in films and novels. We’re all familiar with the main players - the Villain, the Victim, and the Hero. The Villain’s whole job is to find out who’s to blame, they contribute to creating a culture of fear. The Victim’s job is to be at the mercy of someone or something, they seek to preserve their own innocence while waiting for someone else to solve the problem. Meanwhile, the Hero’s job is to provide temporary relief, they try to solve problems, avoid conflict, and protect those who “need” it.
Understand the roles.
These roles are dynamic, interdependent, and not as straight-forward as you might think. We tend to imagine Heroes as the good guys, but Heroes require other people to be Victims. That’s not sustainable for a growing company because it keeps your team from solving problems for themselves and fosters dependency. Likewise, Victims require Villains to feed the narrative that things are beyond their control. These roles aren’t static: a Hero can easily shift into Victim mode. You’ve probably witnessed or done this yourself. “Do you know how hard it is to be the only person who really understands our product roadmap?” - is this person the Hero or the Victim? Both!
If you find yourself in a scenario with a Villain, Hero, and/or Victim - how do you navigate your way back to a less dramatic scene? This is a mental shift that requires willingness. Your desire to move past the drama has to be greater than your desire to be right (and greater than your desire for someone else to be wrong). Once you make that mental shift, you’re ready to deploy these tactics:
Get some perspective first.
When you’re in the middle of a dramatic situation, it can be difficult to see it clearly. This is where getting perspective comes in. First, get yourself outside of the situation to get centered in the way that works for you. Does this mean taking a walk? Meditating? Hitting the gym? Whatever resets you best is the thing to do here. After you’re centered, come back with a fresh perspective.
Exaggerate to reveal what’s actually going on.
Once you are centered - exaggerate the situation in your mind. You want to really dramatize it so you can see it more clearly. A useful strategy is to narrate the situation to yourself dramatically - so dramatically you might win an Oscar for your performance. The more dramatic you are, the clearer the roles will become: “And then the noble knight arrived just in time, waving the long lost budget projections in hand.” This might feel ridiculous but it’ll be revealing. Exaggerate until you see the pattern clearly.
Separate the stories from the facts.
How much of what we see is fact and how much is story? Our minds are designed to create meaning. We do so by seeing and remembering stories. We tend to hold onto stories more than we hold onto facts. So take a good look at the situation and catalogue just the facts. “He was passive-aggressive in that Slack chat because he thinks this sprint is a waste of time.” suddenly turns into “He typed in short sentences and used all caps when he replied to my chat.” Less dramatic, no?
Commit to taking 100% responsibility.
A Villain always takes less than 100% responsibility because they maintain that someone or something else is at fault. A Victim does the same thing, waiting for someone else to solve the problem and believing that they are at the mercy of someone or something else means they aren’t taking full responsibility. The Hero complicates matters by taking too much responsibility. They always take more than 100%, which throws off the balance just as much as taking too little responsibility. Ending patterns of victimhood, blame, and rescuing is the result of each person understanding and feeling empowered to take 100% responsibility - no more, no less.
For more guidance from Kaley, take a look at her Ted Talk, “Stop Trying to Change.”